Today’s coaching comes from a post that blew up my page on Facebook and got over 100 likes, 25 shares and apparently hit a nerve that we need to talk more about in the church.
It’s the word: SUBMISSION. Now, for the record, Jay and I have been married for almost 30 years, have raised four Mustangs (everyone else has regular children). I birthed four pioneers, who had difficult transitions through teenage years and each pioneered their callings through ALOT of tension. We have three boys and one girl, and even my daughter who was a straight A, now a worship pastor, had a rollercoaster young adult experience. There were times when Jay and I wondered why we were getting the amount of spiritual warfare we were and then, honestly didn’t see eye to eye on how to handle all the parenting issues that came up. ( Just being real). And when I don’t agree, I pray, and then I communicate it clearly as I believe in SUBMISSION BUT NOT STUPIDITY. Now, hope that didn’t make you blow a gasket but here’s the point of today’s post.
Obviously, we need to tweak the way we teach on submission in the body of Christ if our divorce rate is equal to the world. I believe in delegated authority. However, what I want to talk with you is a LEADERSHIP issue, because here’s the truth, the biggest mistakes I have seen in marriage’s that ended in divorce or blown up teams are leaders who didn’t take FULL ownership of the results.
Women are commanded biblically to respect just as men are commanded to love, but there are practical things you can do to make your wife feel more secure in your leadership and create respect in times of tension. Look at it like this. You’re running a mini- corporation or a SEAL military team. The family needs to be operating a peak performance to navigate the warfare you’re going to get from our culture. Your wife is your sniper who can take out the enemy if you listen to deeply to her. Remember: She’s your HELPER, (means you look to the assistant). So, let’s read this together:
Ephesians 5:25-33 The Message
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church~ a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. EVERYTHING he DOES AND SAYS is designed to bring the BEST out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that his how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re doing themselves a favor`since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his body, does he? No, he feeds and PAMPERS it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church since we are part of the body.
3 Keys To Make Your Wife Respect YOUR Leadership
- When you go to make a decision that you think your wife will have a different opinion on, do this: Pray for this ~ Father, I am trying to make the best decision I can, but I want you to know I am open to doing it differently. Ask him to confirm to you through your wife if this is a right direction. Then go to your wife, and tell her I HAVE BEEN PRAYING ABOUT THIS and I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS. This is going to produce multiple things for you as a leader. First, your wife is going to feel more secure that you’re praying about decisions that impact her and the kids. Second, she’s going to feel valued that you had asked her opinion before you plowed ahead.
- If she disagrees with a decision, tell her: Thank you, I hadn’t seen that side of it, I am going to go back to God now (or talk to another leader about this before executing) and see if this is the right decision. The biggest mistakes are made when you are isolated, you have no male friends to run any resolution’s by and you’re trying to lead into new territory with no “intel” (you’re not reading books on the topic/talking to your sources who might know the region better or otherwise you’re just hoping you’re going to be successful with literally no training, preparation or advanced weaponry (prayer). If men looked at their marriages and families with a military perspective, they would be much more willing to get additional support in difficult seasons in their family. YOUR IN A WAR. THE ENEMY WANTS TO KILL YOU. YOUR MARRIAGE. YOUR CHILDREN. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE as Patton would say.
- Take ownership of the results in your marriage and your family. This isn’t just a wedding tip though it will make your wife BRAG on your leadership, it’s a business teaming tip. Leadership means YOU OWN THE RESULTS no matter what happened or what goes wrong. That’s why most people don’t build successful long-term visions. It’s not your wife’s fault, its not your kid’s fault. It’s not the ministry or business team that was not cooperating or rebellious. It’s your ability to pray and lead effectively. Everything rises and falls on your leadership. Leadership is being willing to be evaluated, taking ownership when things go wrong without shift blaming and changing your style if what you’re doing isn’t working. You don’t need a year to examine your results. Sometimes Jay and I could see results from a decision in 2 days, sometimes two months. Jay has always been willing to change what isn’t working which had made me trust him more even during times when things seemed like they were going south.
Bottom line. We don’t want to be ordinary Christian leaders. We want to finish strong and win the war our culture is in. To win, you’re going to have to be willing to be different which is why I create communities. Need support to grow your leadership? Join my leadership team. .