Looking For Friends?

How To Identify And Find Loyal Ones

Looking for friends



1. The state or quality of being loyal.
2. A feeling or attitude of devoted attachment and affection.


Looking for friends? Which person displays greater love?

1. The person who has been around for years, never forgets your birthday, affirms what you believe, listens quietly when you are upset or angry,  yet since you have known them has never really had any resurrection experiences in their life or required you to take the risky actions that would produce this in yours?

2. The person in your life who in a very short amount of time has listened carefully to what you have said you want to produce in your life,  challenged you to grow by questioning your methods or disconnects,  and offers to match your efforts by investing in your success?

Of course listening compassionately is appreciated but if you want to not sabotage yourself while your looking for friends, gravitate towards #2 as much as possible. 

The word of God is clear about what attracts these types of people into your life as a leader. You can break a curse of disposable relationships on your life and shallow friendships by…

1. Looking for friends who will question the disconnect between what you say and what you actually do. 

Most people associate loyalty with being “yes” people. They do not like anyone questioning why they do things the way they do or how they are going to achieve results with the plan they created. This is rejection based leadership and does not produce long term results. Healthy leaders welcome questions and do not take them personally.

In your personal life or on your team, an individual who causes you to analyze objectively your mode of operation is a gift and is typically not attempting to minimize your authority. They are actually doing you a favor by causing you to process potential pitfalls. You may see him/her as difficult…but the truth is, loyal people have a desire for you to be respected and they know that if you invest time into projects that don’t have quick and clear pay-outs, your going to lose credibility as a leader.

2. Looking for friends that are passive aggressive and won’t tell you the truth about how you are coming across to others. 

Many people will never communicate to you what people are really thinking about how you come across behind the scenes.  A long time friend of mine Kathy’s friendship began with her asking me do you really mean to come across like this? I know you said in prayer this is what you wanted but when I hear you talk about this situation, it’s sounds so opposite.  I just got to the point where I began to ask the Lord to reveal to me what she was saying because I just couldn’t see it. And of course, over time I caught the revelation.  I trusted her quickly BECAUSE she confronted me frequently.  On another day, Beverly Lewis (Who I partner with on workshops/biz teams) will ask me, “I know you want Success Not Sabotage to attract this kind of business, but you are focusing here…WHY are you doing that?   Sigh… back to the drawing board…AGAIN!

Loyal friends and team members have an ability to completely make you go “HUH”,  and then  say to you what everyone else won’t.

“Hey, that is not working and it makes no sense. Stop doing it, it’s slowing down the momentum and what you say you really want”. 

They know  for you to succeed, you need help processing and to hear how you are perceived.

In Antioch, Peter was acting inconsistently with what he believed and taught (Galatians 2:11-14) and his loyal friends called him up to the plate for the greater good of the message they were carrying. Loyal people are plate callers.

3. Loyal People Launch Out On Their Own

Here’s the thing about loyal people…they make great leaders. Don’t have a poverty mentality by not releasing them when it’s in their best interest to go and grow somewhere else. EXPECT that God will bless you for sending them out with fanfare and will reward your attitude with sending you MORE loyal people.

Too many times people take it personal when people leave their organization or launch their own stuff out of what they gained confidence wise from you. Here’s the bottom line, you can’t lose when you help people succeed.

Our heart should be to raise up and RELEASE people into THEIR unique identity. That is the only true way God’s resurrection power will flow and reproduce. Be willing to let people go when it’s time.

Ready to build a big bold LOYAL relationships?


  1. Beverly Lewis

    Wow, just go ahead and make my day! This doesn’t count as the note to thank you for being a friend and team member that tells it like it is and walks the talk. And makes me laugh – hard. God smiled down on my life when we got connected.

  2. FreedUp13

    I was called a “pot stirrer” in my last position and it has haunted me ever since. Thank you for helping me finally understand and put into words what I could not express on my own. I love working on teams to achieve success but found it discouraging when leadership felt threatened by my bold approach. Thank you for setting me free to follow my convictions.

    1. Beckyharmon

      I generally find if you love teams, that’s your identity. Press into them! Sometimes it’s just forgiving yourself for not transitioning out the way you wanted too and then just learning from your past experiences. It’s funny, I tell my daughter don’t be afraid to stir it up, just communicate it in the right way so it makes people see that your heart is to elevate them. Maybe go back and really write down what you could have done better in those past situations. That’s a really good short exercise I do with my clients.

  3. People want to put me in a box

    Wow, that’s me! Sometimes people don’t know what to do with me or resist my questioning while I feel like I have really valid points to examine. I just have that big picture in mind and want to help them reach their vision. It’s so comforting to know that I’m not the only one. Thanks so much!

    1. Beckyharmon

      :) Well, for me. I had to learn how to give a lot of affirmation when I ask my questions. Big smile on my face, here’s what I think your doing right and then begin to ask a couple questions. What’s funny now, is I can tell in 5 minutes if people REALLY want to be successful with their vision because the questions alone should bring the next idea in they need to implement. If it’s all smoke and mirrors, they will get offended. Saves time too:) Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Ali Green

    Becky, you always have such great challenges and reminders to focus on what really matters. Thank you for your honesty and perspective. I always take it to heart!

  5. Natalie Epperson

    I really like the #3 under the mission – it always feels good as the writer to let someone know how much they have impacted you, but it also is such a tremendous blessing to receive validation from a past action. Thanks Becky for always making us focus.

    1. Beckyharmon

      Yep. It’s amazing what a little mail delivered note can do for someone’s day. You are my kind of gal!

  6. BeckyHarmon

    We do have fun don’t we:)

  7. BeckyHarmon

    :) Thanks! An as one fellow “pot-stirrer” to another, I can say I always try and evaluate how I could have handled that better and apply the lesson but not let the enemy steal my boldness. I am pretty militant about using the word of God to get free from condemnation from past pain. If you need any support with that, our Lead On Your Knees team might be a good fit for you and this is the last one for the year. Let me know if you need more info on that:)


Make Money From Home Coaching

By Writing Your First Manual For Clients

Make Money From Home Coaching

How to position yourself as an expert and make money from home coaching

The BIG difference between my teams and all the other “coaching schools” is this: You will grow in intimacy with God, leadership with people and if you want to coach with your own resurrection message, I can show you how to get started nearly cost free. I’d like to give you some business training today and share with you how any Christian woman with a desire to get paid to coach or transform lives for Christ can do it without a theological degree or big coaching certification.

The most important part of learning how to make money from home coaching is communicating in such a way that you attract the people who are ready to take ownership. For many Christian coaches, this is where they get stuck and leak out their profits. Well, let me tell you the truth about this. If you are already leading in ministry, this is hard transition because you aren’t used to asking people up front for a high level commitment. You are accustomed to serving and then if people feel inclined giving you a donation. This can present a lot of problems when you go to coach because what happens is you spend time in the wrong place and with the wrong people who are not willing to work hard to get results.

I’ve been praying over people, leading them out of victimization mentalities, speaking and coaching now in one capacity or another for twenty years.  It is really hard to separate yourself from the crowd and build a compelling organization or brand these days unless you have a PR firm or publishing house marketing for you.  But the beauty to combining your marketing with your own coaching system is you can create your brand while you make money from home coaching. It’s brilliant because you are getting paid to hone your skills and write your first system as you develop it.

When you launch a life coaching business it can take years to learn how to fill your pipe line. This then makes you doubt you have what it takes to coach. It’s why so many amazingly gifted women with powerful messages quit. It’s because they don’t know how to spend their time correctly and use a simple plan for marketing, blogging and social media.

I’m convinced that creating your own coaching system is a beginning coaches best value for three reasons: You won’t need anyone to open the door for you in ministry or coaching because YOU will position you with the help of the Holy Spirit as an expert, you can discover all the value you really do have within you so you don’t feel like you are “selling” and lastly you won’t need additional business coaching on top of what you are already doing. You can sharpen your copy skills, create a high value coaching program and put your marketing wheel into place all at once.

Truth be told, I built my business to the first 25,000 with a marketing budget of under $100.00 a month.  I then used some of that money to grow to the next level. These are not people who hired me for coaching and then moved on. They are loyal customers who have kept moving through my programs (told their friends about me) because my coaching delivers tangible results. As many of you know, I don’t fluff anything and my growth has mostly been organic.

I want to spend a whole weekend with you one on one showing you how to create your first coaching system.  More than that, I want to show you HOW to release that resurrection message within you that God has worked into your life. You can start influencing and transforming women for Christ and fulfill the great commission to make disciples as an entrepreneur!

It gets even better….

When you build your identity around your coaching system, people begin to know exactly who to call when they need a speaker, retreat facilitator, ministry leader, they get to know exactly what you reproduce in other people. I have no idea why the church at large is not harnessing this concept on a larger level. It literally is the easiest pathway for making disciples and with social media combined you can take your identity global for such a small investment up front.

Some of my clients started out in my Bold Identity team and have moved through my spiritual advance and are now positioning themselves to reproduce 10 to 50 disciples a year off of their own message in less than two years. THAT IS INCREDIBLE. And it was a God idea that launched this whole thing!

You’ll be AMAZED at what you can do with your leadership with just one system that you write in about 6 months. Many of our clients realize just how much they have been holding themselves back when they get in a team and use that momentum like we will be harnessing at the Summit.

In our BOLD Summit, we’re going to show you how to deal with poverty mentalities that are SPECIFIC to Christian coaches & ministry leaders, how to write in a sequential way with our templates so you don’t have to wander in the dark, and everything that will help you make money from home coaching. Don’t get distracted with all of the gadgets out there that tell you if you sign up with their product, they will channel leads to you, it won’t do it consistently, like your own message. You need to identify your boldest identity zones and we can help you discover that!

One 3 day weekend with Becky and Beverly and you can start influencing dozens immediately!

We’ve made it affordable for all, offering to save your seat in the Summit for half down.

It’s so important that you get this SUMMIT, we’ve taken away ALL EXCUSES and created an extremely affordable payment plan so you can start immediately and broken up the payments for you for two months and you can bring the rest to the Summit.

The BIG difference between my programs and teams and all of the others out there is this: You will use the momentum of a team to help you be accountable to write and finish strong!

Don’t miss it! REGISTER NOW for a free call we are doing August 19th to walk you through our strategies and the special payment plan we are offering.

HOW do we have a loyal customer base that keeps moving higher into our programs? How did I start coaching with ZERO people opening the door for me?  I created the kind of system I am going to teach you to do over this weekend.

There’s NO excuses! We’ve pioneered the way for you! Join us for this free call and get started creating your own dynamic message!


With love,
Becky Harmon

Becky Harmon

Writing A Book

5 Reasons Christian's Need To Get Started Now

 writing a book

Writing a book is one of the greatest way’s Christian life coaches can become modern day messengers for Christ. If I had someone share with me the information that I am going to tell you today, I would have never struggled with blocking time for writing my first coaching manual.

God sometimes calls people into service in super-spiritual ways, I am not disputing that. Maybe they have some kind of vision or mystical experience where they know that they know they need to obey him and take certain action. And then there is all the rest of us that God just gives this nagging feeling to that won’t go away, that feels more like a desire. For some reason, desires can go in the box marked, “flesh” rather than really just acknowledged as a “SPIRIT”.

Let me assure you, whether your having dreams, visions about writing a book or just that plain won’t go away feeling the way I did, this is definitely the Holy Spirit wanting to use you as a conduit to glorify Christ. So, it’s important that you yield to this, the same way you would yield to God asking you to deal with some aspect of your flesh. More importantly, this is why some people talk about writing a book to their spouse and friends for years but never actually produce one. It’s because they are waiting for some kind of affirmation or permission but here’s what I really have seen it be in so many people’s lives. Like me, they are afraid to really put their identity out there for people to inspect because all deep down most of us are afraid of getting found out that we really don’t have what it takes.

The first book I wrote was terrible. I had a friend of mine who was an English teacher go through it with a red pen and I cried reading her comments. But here’s the thing. With a bit of focus and tweaking, that book is still my foundational leadership training team and program. The bottom line is if God has spoken to you about this, it is now about what God wants to use you for and not whether you feel like writing it or you think it’s the right or wrong time. It’s about you stepping into a place and position where you can be used as a conduit for God’s message.

Here are 5 reason’s you need to get started writing a book today:

1. Writing a book is not about you. It’s about WHO God is sending you to transform, so write that book now so you stop delaying the purposes of God on your life. 

I believe this is why most people who say, “I’m going to write a book someday”, never get it done. It’s because it’s still about them. When you have a revelation that the Lord is trying to activate you to bring him glory, you will find the time to get up at 4am if you have to write, bump the lunches so you can write while you are at work and otherwise do what you have to do to make this a reality.  You will be able to push through the fear of the whole thing being a complete failure because you now have become OBEDIENT and now it’s up to God on what to do with it.

2.  Writing the book will force you to identify your BOLDEST IDENTITY zone. This is the place you are most anointed to serve people in.

I just spoke at the Georgia Christian Counselors Association about growing extra income streams through developing their own books. Here’s what I see happen again and again. We all have resurrection stories that glorify Christ and lead people to HIM. There is anointing on your testimony because it is the work of the Holy Spirit in your life. When you take the time to harness this and give your audience a step-by-step system for break-through, the results are BOLD. It’s because your brokeness is the place God wants to use, not your knowledge. This is why you don’t have to worry about it being too simple.

3.  Writing the book is about God using you now in the small things. In your closest friendships, in your neighborhood and in your city.

Holy Cow. Don’t even get me started here with the amount of professional speaking friends I have whose big city published books are sitting in their garage affecting NO ONE. People, you don’t have to be published by super nova Christian book publisher to begin transforming people’s lives. Thank the Lord I didn’t come under that mentality and I just got started with what I had in my hands, which was favor from a local business man AFTER I WROTE THE BOOK. (I still use him today) Let’s be clear, your book is about GOD touching people not fame, fortune and the big bucks you will make. Yes, you will make money coaching and speaking with your books. But don’t delay because you can’t figure out what publishing company to use or you’re afraid of rejection!

4. Writing down your strategies will make you such a better communicator. You will feel so thankful that you took that leap of faith to develop your own content. 

There is no better feeling than looking back over the places that Satan has kicked your butt with and getting the satisfaction of seeing the Lord lifted high 100 times for all the 10 times that the devil stole from you. WOOT! It’s a beautiful, overcoming, dance in the living room, sing in the car, your victory song! There is something so powerful that happens when you take that thought that has been floating around in your heart and head and you put it down on paper. It comes to life and now it can be multiplied. Many times I have written a blog, someone saw it and then invited me to speak on the subject. It really is true that you will magnetize to you what you develop the clarity for, if you share it consistently, it will get even bigger.

5. It will be one of the most fulfilling things you have ever done and you will look back and THANK GOD for the grace he gave you to get it out of you. 

When I look at the transformation that God has brought my clients through my books, I am so humbled by his grace. Every time I hand a new manual to a client or mail one-off to Australia, Canda or the UK,  I pause and say, “Only you Oh, Lord”. And we all know this, but only God can take the simple things and give people profound, life altering deliverance with it. I don’t want to ever be the kind of person who is looking back and wondering what it would have been like to obey God fully. I want the whole adventure. Risk, success and failure. Obey God and start writing your book. Let me know below, what you will be writing on!


  • Mary Wolski · Atlanta, Georgia

    Transitions 4 Life… God Speaks thru Winds of Change! Relationships 4 Life… It’s Time 4 Love!
    Twisted… in the Name of Love, God, and Money.
    Healing Catholicism… Confessions of a Cradle Catholic.
    These 4 Books are currently in the works and in various stages of completion. It’s all a matter of Opening my Mind to Believing, Receiving, and Achieving God’s Meaning in my Message.
  • Angela Karum · New Tribes Bible Institute

    “Writing a book is not about you. It’s about WHO God is sending you to transform” – Love this! Thank you!
  • Anita Albert Watson 

    Becky, just wanted to quickly let you know that I think you are awesome. I love your straight to the point, authentic, God-first approach in everything you do. Kingdom blessings!

  • Mark Foster · Founding and Senior Minister at Acts 2 – United Methodist Church

    Great discernment process for church planters
  • Lenez Ward 

    Your post was extremely intriguing to me. I write and speak constantly by His leading and seeding in me. Mind you, I hated doing both growing up as a child. I have thought about writing a book or books for some time. There are multiple titles for multiple books or chapters for one book. I have journals from decades of writing about personal life issues, mental health, family, personal relationships, spiritual growth & development, marriage, separation, widowhood, death , grief, My ourney with Jehovah, etc.

Boundaries With Your Time

How To Reset Them If People Cancel On You Frequently


Setting great boundaries with your time is important if you want to feel valued and significant to others. However, what do you do when you have grown emotionally and maybe one or two of the people you still have in your friend or business circle are in an old identity and don’t know they are being difficult or aren’t willing to change?

It’s helpful first to understand what the “kingdom” is within you. You see, it’s not this ethereal realm that is mystical for only the super-spiritual people who God really loves. Simply put, whatever you have ability to decide yes or no with… is your effectual rule.  Ultimately, boundaries are meant to protect your heart and the people under your influence. If you want to influence people authentically, this is a very important revelation for you.

We alone are responsible through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to place boundary stones in pleasant places. It is your identity in Christ to live a significant and successful life but only if you consistently enforce it. If you make commitments and break them frequently, now you are perceived as an inconsistent person and you lose influence and credibility.

 Next, as you grow, one of the situations you might encounter is  people around you becoming fearful that you are going to abandon them if you experience more success. Most of the time, fear and insecurity will manifest as sarcasm, snarkiness, passive control or even individuals cutting you off relationally if you set boundaries that challenge them.

Here’s a couple ways to reset boundaries with grace. 

1. It is up to you to help them understand, that there will be no pay-out with you from this point forward. Remember, you can never EXPECT people to get about you “identity-wise” if you don’t COMMUNICATE and ENFORCE it every-time. Sometimes we think we are very clear with people when the truth is, our actions are not lining up with the identity we profess. It’s not enough to tell people where you would like, you have to teach them by your consistent actions.

The first thing to do in this case is go before God when you are not stressed and determine the 3 to 5 boundaries that you are not willing to compromise on.  The last thing you want to do is sabotage yourself by backing down and creating a situation where the person expects you to not follow through on what you say you are going to do. When I working with my private clients, I usually keep them at 3 core boundaries as your aim is to reframe the one house, not build a whole new subdivision in one document.

For example, if you feel like this friend or client is habitually making commitments and then backs out at the last minute, you can see that they probably don’t value themselves or their time very well.  When you reschedule to do something with them without bringing up the first situation where they didn’t honor your time, you have now taught them that this is an acceptable pattern for you. So, here’s how to do with grace. When you schedule the second event with them, tell them that you really value spending time with them but you would appreciate it 8 hours before you are supposed to get together with them, they would text you or confirm by email that the meeting is still on. If they do not text you and you really like them, text them and ask them if you are still on. If they do not respond, you do not head out for this appointment. If they show up and blame you, simply state what the expectations were with confirming the times. And, consider that this is not a person you want in your close friend circle or professional relationship as they will not be consistent with their word in small things. If people can’t be consistent and execute on small things, they will not execute on what’s important to you or them. This is not an individual that will help you birth your dreams.

2.  Begin by telling the individuals around you that you are so excited about creating a thriving, peaceful and stable life.  This means you have to do the work to clarify your goals and vision for the next one to five years. Dig down into developing a vision that will cause you to joy and then start smiling and praying about it daily. That’s faith. I would even include in this vision what kind of people you want to partner with and how you will recognize them when they come into your life. You have to be practical when you reset boundaries. For example, they will tell you how much they appreciate spending time with you by being punctual:). Once you have done the internal work, then watch yourself become more confident and you will begin to attract more of these kind of people into your life rather than the one’s that sabotage you.

3. Decide what kind of friend and business partner you’re going to be for other people now that you don’t like the old identity.  Up your leadership by requiring from yourself what you want in a friend. It’s biblical. And don’t cut yourself slack. If you want loyal friends who can speak the truth to you in love, then be that for them. If people are struggling with people pleasing or rejection sometimes this prevents them from communicating when their feelings or hurt. Write a list of WHO you are identity wise and choose to build a bold identity. Here’s a couple I require from myself.

I am: someone who prioritizes prayer, I am fit, I laugh at myself, I am surrounded by faithful, loyal, successful women and men. I value giving back and serve fully and to be the best of my ability, when I make a mistake, I say I am sorry. I value relationships over being right. I finish what I start. I eat the fruit of my labor. (Feel free to go on and on:) 

You can rearrange boundaries with grace. Just remember, when you grow into a more successful identity,  it can be threatening to other people. You will create a tension and people will be forced into two positions. They will either have to disconnect from you because they are not willing to accept this new change in you or best case scenario they will choose to grow themselves and affirm the new identity God is working in your life. Do not hold back rearranging the boundaries that bring you joy because you are afraid people will not like the new you. God will send you new friends, trust me! He did it for me and he will do it for you!

Love, Bec:)
Becky Harmon


Daily Prayer Partners

5 Tips For Finding The Perfect One

Daily Prayer Partners

Daily prayer partners or even weekly one’s can absolutely be life changing if you feel as if you want to step into a greater clarity and power of God on your life! This is my prayer accountability partner Kathy Corbett, who in addition to my husband Jay,  is the individual who has added the TNT to my daily prayer life. (This is our bad hair hiking day out!)

When I introduced Kathy into my Advanced Team, one of the questions everyone asked her was how we connected so well and so consistently over the past decade. We have prayed together at least once a week for over 10 years.

So, I wanted to share with you 5 tips that can give an idea on who to choose to be this person in your life. The key to success is to find individuals who will remind you of your faith and your identity in Christ, yet challenge you to live at the level of discipline that will equip you to move through uncomfortable tension. Most individuals really underestimate the amount of personal conflict and warfare they have to overcome in order to become a messenger and then practically carry that.

A significant sabotage that you will want to avoid is confusing listening compassionately with accountability. You don’t just want someone to listen to your struggles, you want to find a daily prayer partner who is going to challenge you to be bold in Christ and move forward despite your fear.

5 Success Strategies For Daily Prayer Accountability Partners

1.  Begin to ask God to send you someone who is committed to reading the word of God on a daily basis. Anyone who is going to live a significant life out of their identity in Christ is going to have to know the word.  Why? Because the Christian life is relationship not rules.  The way you will be conformed to Christ through grace is by spending time with him in the presence of the Holy Spirit.

2. You have someone who will block time for it weekly despite a high level of influence and responsibilities.  I recommend a minimal of 30 minutes a week. The more your reach, the greater and tighter your accountability should be. If you want zero kingdom influence, hide in your house and isolate yourself from anyone who will challenge you.  There is exponential power when you agree in unity on teams which is why I always will facilitate prayer teams.

3. You share for about 5 minutes or 10 minutes each where your struggling. Here’s where you can go south if you are not careful. This is for the purpose of focusing in faith on how you will be an overcomer. Be careful how you share your story as not to perpetuate victimization mentalities. Here’s a video on that.

4. You make sure you speak specific scriptures into your prayers. The word of God is powerful and it’s a sword. It works when it is used coupled with the power of agreement. Get out your Bible when you pray with your partner and have a scripture or two marked that you can use as a weapon. (And the whip it out and take care of BUSINESS:)

5. Talk about where God has been faithful to you this week and encourage your partner with a grateful heart. Their is nothing better than a testimony. It’s what makes us overcomers. Revelation 12:11 And they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony and they loved their lives not even unto death. A prayer partner can change your spiritual walk. It is well worth the time to invest into.

The bottom line is one can put a hundred to flight and two a thousand! If you want to grow with grace, find someone to agree with in prayer and watch your breakthrough begin!

Love, Bec:)

Becky Harmon


Authentic Leadership

3 Tips You Can Use Today

Authentic Leadership

This past week was our first live call for the second Women’s Advanced Team which is coaching around growing your spiritual authority and authentic leadership. We began by sharing a bit about ourselves and where we felt our biggest sabotages have been.   

Most of us are used to hiding our perceived failures and feel the need to project some kind of “have it all together” image because we think it will give us more respect & authority. The truth is, in the kingdom of God, you gain credibility from not just what you have overcome but by being transparent and sharing your weaknesses along with how to be successful. 

One of the things I shared on both my team live calls this past week was how much fear I really deal with on a daily basis.  I go for a walk in my beautiful neighborhood and I have a thought flash in my mind of someone attacking me. (With my 2 almost 100 pound dogs right next to me)

I go to speak and I am afraid I am going to get lost so I have someone drive with me. I could go on and on for every 5 to 10 minutes in my personal life and business.  It’s ridiculous and most people would never know this about me because I learned how to do spiritual warfare early in my twenties and also to compartmentalize the fear so I stay focused on what God has called me to do.

I daily have to pray for courage and strength. I believe God has given me an extremely sensitive nature towards fear beyond what normal people have to deal with.  It’s part of what makes me good at what I do but to tell you the truth, I ask God for deliverance frequently and it’s as if he just asks me to be patient and wait on his timing in this area.  We all have sabotages that attempt to hinder us from being faith filled and mission focused. Here are 3 ways I want to encourage you if you want to be a coach, speaker or be used by God to write for Christ. It’s important to build authentic leadership so you are able to push past the fears you will encounter on your mission to transform lives for Christ.

1. You’ll build more intimacy with God in your secret place of prayer. 

This is a lesson that I have learned to thank the Father for again and again. I begin to experience some kind of trouble and as I have to process through how deeply it frightens me, I realize it’s yet another opportunity to dig deeper into all my security and identity being in Christ alone. Not in my parenting ability, my mothering, my finances. Christ alone. 

2. It prevents me from losing my compassion 

Anyone who has been a private client of mine or been on one of my teams knows that I have a pretty short stick for excuse making.  You can’t be a kingdom woman without being willing to take a lot of ownership. With that said, I keep things very tight and paced and ask women to ditch victimization mindsets so they can experience a more significant life.  However, the truth is I believe God allows me to experience consistent fear so that I can connect heart to heart with my clients and ask them for the same amount of ownership I have to take daily. I choose to see my fear as a cross I embrace for the sake of encouraging others.

3. It creates a real team environment

I believe Christianity is a team sport like football. It cannot be advanced alone in a significant way. Nothing helps you build authentic leadership in your writing, coaching and speaking then feeling free to be who God has created you to be in all your quirks and weaknesses.  I really believe it activates your team members faith, they then feel like they can have real problems and not let it minimize their authority and also finish what they start. I have had many coaching, speaking and writing opportunities come up in the middle of the most oppressive seasons. It made me have to tap into my closest prayer partners and teams and let them carry me through what felt incredibly cloudy.

You don’t have to feel afraid of getting prideful as you grow. You just need to be willing at all times to freely share your sabotages as well as your successes. Hope that activates faith for getting yourself out there in a bigger way to serve! 

Love, Bec:)


Symptoms Of Anxiety In Women

How To Recognize & Resist Fear Within Your Leadership

symptoms of anxiety

Recognizing the symptoms of anxiety and mastering it is all about your ability to exercise a consistent and healthy amount of risk relationally so you can point people to Christ. First let’s identify, how the  symptoms of anxiety will sabotage leadership and leave you isolated.  

A fear based woman will always be looking outside herself for other people to bring her boldness.

You cannot process through the symptoms of anxiety until you embrace that Christ is Jehovah-Jireh, your provider. He is your all in all. Not your job, business/ministry, husband, children, family, church, friends, money, looks, sexiness/fashion factor.  Christ. Beginning and end. Your significance does not come because of what you have, it comes from who he is in you and the intimacy with him you have access to.

When you begin to realize that the desire you have for epic impact is part of kingdom life, you can begin the process of asking the Lord to equip you with more courage to live with a demonstration of power. This will come as you obey him fully and you spend time in prayer.  In other words, you have to affirm the hunger for boldness as a God given desire. It’s the essence of WHO your Father is! Your healing from fear cannot begin until you give yourself this level of permission and resist the symptoms of anxiety. 

I know this only too well. In my early Christian years, I received the message from leaders that any  desire I had that was about me, was pride. But here’s the challenge with that. It’s not biblical. Even Jesus himself when asked by the disciples, “Hey, what’s in this for us Lord? We have left behind houses and loved ones. Jesus didn’t chastise them for wanting more or a payout. What he did was redirect them to their payout not being in this world. He affirmed this as natural and reframed it by asking them to think about not just the here and now but the intimacy and joy they would share together for eternity.

Well, let me tell you what your payout is going to be! Your going to sit on the thrones of Israel judging nations. Now, I don’t wake up in the morning thinking, Wow. I will get to sit in heaven on a throne if I am faithful with people’s hearts, eating bon bons and judging cities and people. I want two pay-outs. I want to do my earthly life making disciples with close covenant friends that will suffer with me when I am hurting and rejoice with me when we experience victory together. Then, I want to step into eternity with everyone who did life with me here. In other words, I want to be waiting for you when you cross over into heaven.

You won’t be able to miss me. I will be holding the sign, “Your an overcomer” and most likely I will be wearing a snoopy hat just to entertain you.

But thirty years ago, I was driving everyone away in my life who attempted to help me. My heart longed for deeper relationships but I couldn’t maintain them. Over the years I came to realize that what my heart desperately longed for was to feel loved when I stepped out and failed and yet have people around me who would challenge me to push past my own insecurities.

I realized I felt so alone in this world (and I was married at the time)  and to this day, it’s all of our worst fear.

Only by giving yourself permission to pursue what God reveals to you in prayer and choosing to partner with people who will challenge you will you begin to feel the belonging that your heart is screaming out for. The symptoms of anxiety keep us disconnected from WHO we are in Christ. When you know what to do and don’t do it, you suffocate your dreams. No one else does this for you.

When you have a fear based personality, you are a very lonely person. This is why people medicate with food, sex, wine, dope, TV, endless church activity that makes no discples. No one wakes up saying, I think I will start worshipping idols today. No, they become idol worshippers because everyday they trade authenticity and courage for the temporary payout that gives them. I will love you and I won’t leave you alone like everyone else will, the idol says.

Now, what God is asking you in this point in time is are you ready to receive a healing from the fear that is holding you back from transforming people around you. Your marriage, your family, your friends, the influence possibilities are endless.

This is not pie in the sky promises or payouts for the super spiritual. It’s for you. We are living in an hour that the church will need to begin to consecrate herself in a new way in order to carry the power of God that the Lord wants to dispense to us. Are you ready to go Bold? 

Love, Bec:)


Identity Lessons From Rachel Dolezal

Understand A Call To Justice Means A lot of Spiritual Warfare

When I first launched SUCCESSnotsabotage in 2005, I had been involved in team building for almost 20 years. But this was the first time I had decided to do it under my own unique identity. Even though I had experience in sales and church planting, I still remember the struggle of identifying deeply with the people I felt led to coach (which meant I would literally give away my coaching to help them)  but still needing to help provide for our family.

This is a common problem for people who want to establish justice for other people. You see, there is a tension you receive when you not just identify with a certain group of people but you take specific and tangible actions to bring them transformation. In other words, when your faith reaches a point where you actually begin to activate change in people and create team building, get ready to have it tested.

It’s really important that you understand from a spiritual point of view what happened with Rachel Dolezal this past month. She has been branded a pathological liar for misleading people about her ethnicity among other inconsistencies.

Apparently, Rachel came from a fairly conservative home where her Father spoke in tongues (and by the way I do too), homeschooled (which I did for 12 years) was forbidden to watch certain TV programs, (I don’t regret screening my kids TV watching either) and was read scripture before meals by her parents. (I am really in trouble now as a Bible believing parent).

In the early 1990’s, her parents adopted four black children because they wanted to show their commitment to the pro-life cause. So Rachel grew up in an inter-racially mixed family and somewhere along the way, there seems to have been some allegations about sexual abuse from one of the young men in the family. (This has not been proven yet)

So, as you can see this is a bit complicated and it makes sense that she has experienced a bit of an identity crisis. I believe the first step here and what was on my heart to share with you was first of all, this is actually a pretty common sabotage for women who have a calling to justice on them. There are some important lessons in this story if you have a desire for team building in your own business or ministry.
Whether she is 100% white or 50% white and 50% black (she actually looks Norwegian as a child as in WHITE) is not the issue. She says she “identifies black”.  Now what that means to me is she is attracted to the black community and is burdened by the sabotages they experience.

Here’s what I know after working with hundreds and hundreds of women on identity issues.  I believe God has give her a passion and spiritual burden for black people’s issues, partly because her parents carried this spiritual burden.  Whether or not she was molested is irrelevant to me. If she was, she could go through 10 years of counseling and she might still come out the other end with a call to justice for the black community and it be a God-given burden. If the NAACP wants to make her head of a national chapter, more power to them. Who cares what color she is if she does a great job of establishing justice for the community at large.

The thing about identity is you have to know WHO you are and who you’re called to so you can stand the warfare you will get from being sent. For example, SUCCESSnotsabotage was created for one specific focus: To equip women to lead boldly and then impact and develop messages out of the places in their lives where they have powerful resurrection experiences. I had no idea on how to market, brand or do social media when I started out. I just knew how to process pain in enough of a faith filled way to get the resurrection out of it. That’s how I experienced an almost 1 million dollar ID theft and ended up getting paid to be a spokesperson for a national identity company.

Here’s what I tell my teams will them carry more leadership, get paid to establish justice and keep them in their strongest identity zones without sabotage.

1. Recognize that a call to justice with ministry or social work is a spiritual burden not just a vocational calling. It comes with warfare. If you haven’t built your leadership to the place where you are clear on your identity and consistent in prayer AND ACCOUNTABILITY, then take the time to invest in that first no matter how burdened you are.  God sends you out of affirmation not compulsion.

2. Don’t try and fit in to be accepted or promoted. Yes, you read that right. You will attract who you are meant to serve and get paid for it because you give people honor God & get people results not because you have a positional title, tons of certifications or you look a certain way. Don’t try and conform to the expectations others have of you just because you might make more money or be more politically correct. If you aren’t willing to stick out and be different, then go be a buddhist or whatever and don’t follow Jesus because he has no problem with offending people.

3. Don’t be the person who has to be right over relationship.  As a mother of four children, I can look back and see the places I was not as healthy as a parent with the first as I was with the last. I have joked with my older children that the reason God gives the first born double an inheritance is because the first needs the money for therapy. The best way to keep growing great relationships in your life is to acknowledge we all need more grace, love and patience with each other. Don’t cut people off  if can avoid it, no matter how crazy town banana-pants they are.  It just plants such a harsh seed in your own heart. Forgive, bless and reconcile with people as much as possible.  It’s at the heart of the gospel. They we will know we are Christians by our love:)

Leading With You On My Knees, Bec:)


Leadership Qualities That Will Improve Your Marriage

Leadership qualities

There are a couple leadership qualities that will really make your life and marriage better. Today, I want to share this scripture with you in the context of communicating boldly in your marriage.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14

You never hear this passage preached in context of submission, do you? I know I haven’t which is why this is one of the strategies I teach in my Women’s Advanced Leadership team.  Do you feel frustrated with your husband’s lack of action about what you think needs to be done? If so, I want to help YOU become the bold woman God has called you to be and integrate the leadership qualities into your life that will build your marriage up. 

1. Submission does not mean you know what needs to be done and wait for your husband or anyone else for to read your mind, execute and take action. You can eliminate a lot of tension by going to your husband and saying, “Hey, there is a problem with the dryer, or this or that. I was thinking of solving it by doing this and this. What are your thoughts? I am going to make a decision by Friday. If he says, ” I will handle it”, then give him time to work on it and go back if it’s not resolved in a couple days and ask him when he expects to solve it. There have been many times when Jay was going to deal with something and then work came up and got in the way and after a week or so, he just turned it over to me to resolve. Healthy teaming and intimacy has an ETA or everyone get’s frustrated.

2. If there is a crisis, communicate it to your husband and ask him to agree with you in prayer for a solution, immediately.  God made women emotionally based for a reason. Passionate spirit-led emotions can actually be part of your leadership qualities. We are passionate and that means the problem is going to get solved, like now. I can tell you most men are working so hard to provide for their families they are not always in tune with the hearts of everyone in the family. (That’s your job and gifting). Bring to your husbands attention anything you believe needs to be addressed and then ask him if he will agree with you while YOU pray over it. You do not need to wait for him to come to you and say, “Honey, I have been up at 4am praying for the hearts of our children to be slathered in the purposes of God for their life”  The power of agreement and unity is so powerful and what you place your focus on get’s resolved.  When your walking the dog or driving to the store, just pray and ask him to agree with you. Don’t get all religious about who asks who to pray. Most men didn’t grow up with praying Fathers. That’s a mantle you can create for your family in your generation if your bold enough.

3. If you are under consistent oppression in a certain area than step up to the plate in prayer and do what your husband is asking you to do to solve it. Leadership is usually developed in tension & crisis which is why the military begins there advanced training by giving you 100 obstacles to overcome and seeing how you respond. They don’t give you a leadership quality questionnaire to take, everyone else just disqualifies themselves with their lack of endurance and persistence in a crisis. 

Looking back over the past 30 years, most of all my growth came from times in our marriage where I was reluctant because of my own insecurity to follow through on what he was asking me to do. We were experiencing lack of provision, vision and unity. Jay asked me to go to work and I didn’t want to or I wanted to work and he asked me to stay home. (Both times I was resistant). So many times women are like, “Well, I believe God told me to do this and my husband wants me to that. Ah, no unity means something is off with the picture. Go back into prayer again and again until you get the word of the Lord on how to proceed. There is literally only 2 times out of 28 years when I told my husband, this is a no go for me. I feel very strongly about it and was willing to endure the tension that would produce (and the fruit was excellent) every other time despite my fear I tried what he was suggesting and it worked out in the end. I am not an easy sell when I don’t like the idea so I am telling err on the side of yielding unless you have heard directly from the Lord and have the clarity to stand during the warfare. This works for business too.

The bottom line is follow your husband’s leadership like you want people to respect and follow you. Do you want a bunch of pansies around you, sucking up and waiting on you to do everything because they just want to blame shift to you if it doesn’t work out? Then don’t do that to your husband. Run your house, run your business, make mistakes, give grace during failure and keep going! 

Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Stepping up to the plate in boldness is a process and sometimes there are setbacks. No one’s leadership is perfect but we can all try to work together and gain more courage.

GRACE to you and stand strong! Love, Bec:)


How To Write A Book Or Coaching Manual

It's easier than you might think!

how to write a book

Wondering how to write a book or coaching manual? Well, it’s easier than you might think. You don’t have to have perfect grammar, sentence structure or talk like a professor. In today’s world where so few Christians live purposely, it is becoming more necessary for everyday people like you and I to just share the the testimony God has given us in an authentic, simple way. 

How to write a book is really about breaking things down simply for people, so they can understand how they like you, can receive transformation from Christ.  The kingdom of God is childlike and transformation comes through revelation and learning how to do spiritual warfare correctly not through more knowledge.

You know where I began? At 5am with a journal. I remember a lady telling me early in my walk..”Becky, you have the most simple but captivating thoughts God gives you”. I thought to myself at the time, “That’s nice”. I could never have imagined the simple one liners God was giving me 25 years ago would be the foundation for internationally used coaching systems that have impacted so many for Christ.

One of the best strategies I can give you is as you contemplate how to write a book or coaching manual is to believe in the power of getting started. Most people worry to far ahead how God is going to expand them when they haven’t even harnessed their thoughts down on paper or a laptop. Give God something to work with. It’s hard for him  to guide a stationary bus.

I just took 10 women through a system I wrote in 6 months. The team was so impacted, they asked me to start writing a new system. I have no publicist marketing for me. I have no big name friends opening any doors for me and by God’s grace and with the strategies I teach, I am raising up leaders with their own resurrection messages. 

I have no seminary experience, no one taught me how to write a book, I had no formal writing training, no business classes and majored in Criminology in college. I got B’s in my college writing courses. I have been part of top sales teams with “accidental success”.  You know what impresses God and people in your life? Your faith and boldness! That is what the Father affirms!  Believe if you block time towards your goals (especially in writing) you will be used for HIS glory.

Some of you are wondering how to write a book and the truth is you have a book or two or three in you. Here are three simple tips on how you can get started today. 

1. Start blocking 1 hour a day to write down specific thoughts on what you think will help the people you want to reach be successful. Seriously. Get up with a cup off coffee and EXPECT that God is going to give you more clarity. Watch how your mind begins throughout the day to perceive more and more strategies.

2. Begin to just write from a conversational tone of voice, like you were writing to a best friend. Part of what makes a coaching manual powerful is you are authentic. Be yourself, tell stories about why you think they will want to do it this way. If you have received a specific revelation, try your best to help people catch it and then give them a scripture to tie it in.

3. Share your pain and what you specifically did to process that hurt that made you successful. It will give God glory and your clients will find you much more relatable. Remember, it’s simplicity that makes you great not elevating yourself over others.

If you have any questions about how to write a book, just post them below and I will try and help you get started.

Love, Bec:)